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RUB62-10
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1996-10-27
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66 lines
Copyright 1996(c)
IT'S THE STUPID ECONOMY, STUPID
Ruby on the Campaign Rail, or, Shall We Dance?
A Ruby D. Begonia Pearl
"I'm Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, won'chou come along with me?"
Ruby sang it to herself as she bopped down the aisle toward
the Bob Dole. Then she sang it louder. Bob Dole looked up; cursed
the day.
It was that Begonia creature nobody but him seemed to see.
"Come on, Bob Dole, let's dance," said Ruby, switching the
music to the Peppermint Twist.
Ruby twisted just like John Travolta did in Pulp Fiction only
better. She watusied, she bugalooed, she shagged and she twisted,
she ponied, she strolled, she swam and she Freddie'd. Dole just sat
there, a lump.
"Look-it," said Ruby, "you don't want to let it get to you
just 'cause you fall down sometimes. Everybody falls down
sometimes, you know, especially when they're dancing or
ice-skating."
"Get away from me," said the Bob Dole between clenched teeth.
"Huh?" said Ruby, "can't hear you for the gum cracking," she
said, continuing to crack.
"I said get away from me," the Bob Dole shouted and his aide
rushed over, alarmed.
"What did you say, sir?" asked the aid.
"Bad dream, sorry," muttered Bob Dole.
It was the second time the Bob Dole had said that and the aide
remembered the first. The Bob Dole had acted strangely for hours
afterward. The Bob Dole dismissed him but he suspected some sort
of fit, and watched discreetly as Ruby taught the Bob Dole to
dance.
"Just stand on up," she urged. "I'll catch you."
"I can stand up perfectly well by myself, thank you," said the
Bob Dole, standing proudly only to realize he'd been ootzed.
"Okay, now put this little foot right here," said Ruby,
showing him a right step.
"I am not going to dance," shouted the Bob Dole to the empty
room the aide was watching. Then he began to mimic some moves, and
next thing the aide knew, Bob Dole was dancing by himself, and
doing
pretty good.
"What's he doing?" asked the aide of himself.
"That would be a tango," said Ruby.
"What? Who are you?" asked the aide, turning to a flash of
sequin and fishnet, mostly ghastly green in cast.
"I'm Ruby," she said. "Seeing me can make you sick, though,
so be careful," she warned.
"What have you got Bob Dole doing?" asked the aide.
"That would be the tango, I said, you deaf?" she raised her
voice.
"I mean, you don't expect him to do that in front of
Presidential voting crowds, do you? So what? It's exercise?"
"I dunno," said Ruby. "You remember that Macarena the
Democrats were doing? Get on up, bubba. We got to compete, you
know?
"He's going to Macarena in Maryland?" asked the aide.
"And maybe tango, too," Ruby said, and beamed. "Ain't nothin'
Bob Dole won't do for his country."
Suddenly, the aide had a radio call and answered:
"Yeah, we'll be pulling in shortly but you might want to
rethink that church choir thing."
"Hallelujah!" shouted Ruby.
END